sometimes i juz want peace. i juz wanted to maintain the peace. n i dont want to be disturbed. but i dont want it to be lyk this. the current state of mess. n its so messy. i cannot be selfish, i cnt dump my jnrs there. i cnt do it. n yes, i felt so guilty to leave my jnrs on tues. i didn want to skip. n i admit it was partly i dont want to see liubin n wangyiren. but do u noe with tht 3hrs i solved so many sum of amaths. at least i tried my bez. it wasn a last minute study, i juz needed more prac. even if i screwed it up, i have no regrets. i noe ppl r disappointed with me, but i have my priorities. ever since zls left n snrs step dwn, co doesn seem to weigh tht much in my heart alr. co used to be the reason i didn regret getting into temasek, co was the reason i wanna lessons to end n i head for cca happily every tues n fri, co was the reason tht kept me on. n yes i m v v v affected by lb's super duper unkind remarks. yes, tht bastard spoiled the balance n ruined the bonds. yes tht bastard is a retard. n after talking mrs ng tdy, i noe i cnt be selfish. i have the responsibility, so i WILL go for syf. i will try my bez. no matter how hard is it. but one point, i m not strong. n i dont want to be strong. its not lyk me being tough helps anything. i dont want to. i oso want to let out, to cry, to be weak at times. i dont want to be.
but now, tdy, this will be the last time i grumble. i complain. im sad. im affected. last time. i dont want to influence my jnrs. they shldn be affected too, its unfair to them. i wont anymore. i will turn his stupid words on deaf ear n not be affected by it anymore. not anymore. n i have the duty to improve my section. at least dont be the ones to cause any troubles. n no matter whts gg to happen, i try my bez to tolerate. n now sitting arrangement is gg to change agn. since SL is the admin person(only) according to liubin, why aren such things discussed? n i hope my jnrs can cont to work hard. they had been rly great ppl n tnks alot to be such wonderful ppl. ever since everything was fine cuz i see the bonds agn. it was such a relief to noe tht. n i shall try. try harder n harder. try until i cnt try. lol.
tdy, this time will be the last time i cry for co. i will nv ever want to cry agn for co. is not lyk i wanted to. i now finally noe why i cried so many times, it wasn becuz of anything, but the fact tht i missed the past too much, far too much than i expected myself to. im stepping dwn soon! dont think too much le lah. my eyes r baggy now. ugly.
n meeting jaesam tmr to pass her a book. she say she nv get sunburn, i hope i dont see a charcoal tmr!

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